Written by Penny Claridge
I feel as though I have been lying dormant for 10 years just living and raising children, and working… and since the first lockdown I’ve been on a journey to find my voice, reclaim my faith in life, making connections, flowing with the energies, trusting where the journey takes me and not fighting it or overthinking it to much because my fear of failure will kick in.
I’ve welcomed this outspoken, direct and convicted voice I have found and I love feeling like I’ve jus come out of hibernation and realised there’s a whole world of people out there. A silver lining perhaps to this phase of our lives… reconnecting on a human level with concern, compassion, empathy. Uniting with consciousnesses and creating a critical mass.
Below is a shared journey from Penny, a woman coming into her purpose, a mother seeking guidance on addressing the education system and I feel a new friend.
Enjoy the read, feel free, to send your stories through, and share your thoughts below in comments or click the link through to Penny’s blog page. ❤️🇳🇿✊
I realise I am risking plenty of friends by saying what I am about to say… but it has been burning inside me and so I had to get it out. It is what in my good conscience I feel I must say.
I respect your point of view and have listened to it and had it talked at me by plenty. Your body, your choice. I have a story to tell too, and if it helps even one person, it was worth me writing it.
I’ve seen a lot of posts celebrating going out and getting v*ccin*ted, being part of the team of 5 million, taking your kids. Like it’s a party and everyone is invited, and no one wants to get FOMO.
I’ve even seen those Facebook reposts that kick off with “I’m getting v*ccin*ted, and no, I don’t know what’s in it – neither this v*ccin*, the ones I had as a child, nor in the big Mac or in hot dogs…. Etc”.
It’s cool that you feel like you’re doing your part. But I guess, since everyone is being vocal about it, it means I can have a voice too. But my voice sounds different.
I’m sharing in the hope it gives someone hope, and courage if you too are swimming against the tidal wave, a lone voice in the cacophony. Or if you have an uneasy disquiet sitting in your belly. Maybe you are having arguments with your partner, or kids about the va**ine. It’s causing a real ruckus, dividing families and ruining friendships. Maybe you are being threatened with losing your job, or worse. If that's you, my heart goes out to you. It's not fun being the minority. Armour up, it's about to get really bumpy.
I’ll start with my back-story, because it's pretty important to me…
I have battled with my body image and had been overweight since I was about 6 years old. As an adult I tried exercise and following the healthy food pyramid guidelines and the weight didn’t shift.
I had my first wake-up call when my first son was born and I didn’t want to be in photos with him. I realised I was the only one responsible for my body and my health outcomes. So I worked hard to give myself a healthier life. I wanted to be able to run with my kids and be ok in photos.
When my second son was a baby, I found out that I had a genetic mutation called BRCA2. This gene predisposes me to a higher lifetime risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer and melanoma.
I learnt when I was given this diagnosis is that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. For years I had feared cancer. Especially breast cancer as it was in my family. And so, while this diagnosis could have devastated me, it did in fact set me free. Because, it wasn’t a death sentence. It was a heads-up.
It enabled me to know what my worst-case scenario was. From there I could do my research. I could ask the experts in their field. I was the only one who could make decisions about my body. Even though I heartily wished someone would just tell me the right thing to do, to remove all risks… I learnt that it was an epically lonely journey. My decision alone.
But that become my superpower. I arranged to meet with a plethora of medical professionals. I asked all the questions. I read the data. I looked at the stats. I sat with myself and worked through my worst-case scenarios. I talked about it with loved ones. I came to peace with my decision to remove my ovaries and keep my breasts. (Keeping my breasts isn’t the popular choice in my situation. Removing ovaries is common as ovarian cancer is very hard to pick up early).
Square peg, somewhat round hole. My body, my choice.
A paradigm shift
Then, a few years ago I came across the ketogenic way of eating. I had maintained my weight loss mostly, but still thought I could be healthier (and lighter – unresolved body image issues!).
Again, sceptical that a high fat low carb concept would work, (it went against Govt guidelines, the popular view, and, in all honesty, the socially acceptable way to eat in the western world). But I tried it out. I had nothing to lose (except hopefully weight).
And, it was amazing. Life-changing in fact. I read the research to understand what I was about to do with my body. I trusted my instinct, I learnt and learnt. And I got healthier. I got leaner, stronger, all my health markers improved, my blood results were perfect.
This was initially much to the annoyance (frequently teased about – I’m sure in good heart) of some work colleagues, and initially, some friends and family. I became THAT person when dining out. I was ‘harder’ to cater for at work functions and friends’ places (I’ll just BYO my food and drinks). I was even given a hat once at a conference that said ‘Sorry I’m Keto’. Funny. But really? Not funny. I actually suffered from anxiety when going out to dinner at the start, until I found my groove. It was totally worth it. I’ve never felt or looked healthier.
Square peg, round hole. My body, my choice.
Fast forward to 2020
Then, along came CV-1-9. Fear. Uncertainty. Isolation. Also, for me, some calm and quiet and a time to reset and not race about so much. During that first l*ckd#wn, and the subsequent many I have lived through as an Aucklander, I looked after myself with intention. I set my routine, ate healthy, didn’t drink much or at all, exercised regularly. I always knew what day it was.
I also chose not to tune into the media overly much. Mental health = health. I’d hear the updates on where we were at with the levels, but with the ‘overall case numbers’ being chanted constantly, it caused fear and anxiety to rise in me. I was doing everything I could to stay healthy physically and mentally, and I chose the frequency of media I allowed in.
My approach to the v*cc*ne
It’s August 2021 and suddenly I’m eligible for it. I’d heard the hushed rumours about it being a trial, rushed through and not properly trialled at all. I was sceptical they could get a properly approved and safe v out to the masses in such a short time, to such an epic degree, with low risk of harm. I looked it up… I’m not medically trained but I picked up (with help from medically trained friends) that the one we’re using currently in NZ is in a trial until May 2023, and that although it stated for use from 12 years old, that in the EU, it must not be given to those under 18.
I realise that you could argue the document is fake? Maybe… but.. if you don’t have evidence to say it isn’t either, you can’t discount it unless you find the one you’re after elsewhere.
Just a note on the clinical trial end date being 18 months away… The Govt has been given provisional approval to use it. Why? I haven’t done a full analysis on that but my hunch is because we’re in a state of emergency.
A p*ndem*c.
I looked up the p word. The definition is: “Occurring over a wide geographical area (such as multiple countries or continents) and typically affecting a significant proportion of the population”. That’s weird. We had one case just now. And we don’t even know if that person was in hospital.
Until I was eligible, I hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about the v in terms of my own body. All I knew was that I would do my homework when the time came. Like the other times I have shared about, when it comes to my body, it’s always my choice.
Because of the heat, I thought I’d just check the Bill of Rights. Weird to feel the need to do so, but do so I did. It currently states that we all have the:
10: Right not to be subjected to medical or scientific experimentation
Every person has the right not to be subjected to medical or scientific experimentation without that person's consent.
11: Right to refuse to undergo medical treatment
Everyone has the right to refuse to undergo any medical treatment.
I’d seen the cv count and information in the media. It wasn’t hidden. Although the numbers seemed huge case-wise, patients with cv seemed mostly to recover at home, and the ones who ended up in hospital, it was widely reported globally, were most often elderly or had underlying or chronic health conditions (obesity, heart disease, cancer, T2 diabetes).
Also, from looking at the data (and not fully convinced on the accuracy of the testing to get exact the case number data – it’s not a crime to wonder, is it?) – surely they should be counting hospitalisations and deaths, not casesand deaths, because was it p*ndem*c-causing to know how many had a mild dose and recovered at home?
To me, it sounded like a bad flu (at worst) for most patients, with severe life-threatening complications for the high risk/elderly. From memory, in global media, cases in children were really low, and a very very low fatality rate – they had contributing factors too. The biggest unknown was the vir*s’s contagiousness.
I never lost-my-shit over the incessant news. I never have been much of a TV watcher so it suited me just fine. Rather go for an evening walk.
NZ had been ‘cv-free’ for a while which meant life was ‘normal-with-underlying-uncertainty’.
So I figured I had time. Time to wait it out and not have to go rushing in and getting jabbed. Time, once again, to do my own homework.
Doing the math
I looked at the figures relating to the death toll here. Here’s the data, in case you have forgotten…
According to the MOH, in 2020 New Zealand had a total of 22 cv related deaths. Of these deaths, 17 had tested positive. Of the remaining five, four had tested negative and one was not tested.
Now, I’m no math whizz, but I count 17 deaths? But apparently we had 22, if you look at the data on WHO’s database. Of the 17 cv related deaths: 7 were aged 60-79, 5 were 80-89 and 5 were aged 90+. We don’t seem to have any information or see any news of patients who had cv and recovered, to know how they are now doing, but no news, probably means there is no story. Which is pretty great news.
D@lta is now in NZ, and it is more severe – that’s what’s being reported overseas, but… to me, the figures above tell me that it simply wasn’t as dire as we were led to believe. Even if it was rather a lot worse… looking at the figures above, should the C-v outbreak in NZ really need to make up the majority of the evening news and half hourly radio updates? Common sense would say no, to me anyways. But, just to check I looked on the MOH website to see how many cases were in hospital.
At the date of writing this (29 August 2021) we have 551 cases in NZ, and 35 in hospital. Throughout the whole of NZ. Thankfully, no deaths have been recorded since our first outbreak in 2020.
It may sound like I am being flippant about the numbers. That's not my intent. Every number is actually a person. A member of our team of 5 million. In all the drama created in the media I'm just trying to peg the frantic back a notch. It's not big numbers, people.
Some other numbers
Meanwhile (and this is a popular rhetoric - with good reason)… what of suicide rates? Road fatalities? Chronic illness? Drownings? In the year to 30 June 2020, 654 people died by suicide (mentalhealth.org.nz). Road fatalities were 191 (transport.govt.nz).
If the suicide rate is 38 times higher than the number of CV deaths, surely JA could throw some coin to Gumboot Friday and the I Am Hope Foundation for a start, and lose a few of the CV ads on the radio. Or juggle the numbers somehow to help our team of 5 million with the state of our mental health (don't get me started on what the l*ckdo*ns are doing to perpetuate this dire situation).
So I’m comfortable that my own risk of death by cv is non-existent. I’m more likely to be hit by a car while crossing the road. And if our previous rates and current cases don’t at all imply we are in a p$@demic, being just 35 in hospital… (definition: significant proportion of the population), then, it is simply not even a consideration.
Adverse reactions to the v*cc*ne?
Here’s the absolute CRIME. Heard anything on the news about adverse events relating to v's? As the information on risks isn’t prevalent, and the follow-up post jab is apparently non-existent, my hunch is that the numbers are woefully under-reported. But… on Medsafe where the reports of adverse events following immunisation with cv v*cc*nes are stored for NZ, with the most updated data being August 7 (so, a month ago), it states:
“There were 848 non-serious and 31 serious reports this week. Sadly four of these serious reports reported on deaths”. (yep you read that right… that’s just for the first week of August).
Up to and including 7 August 2021, a total of 26 deaths were reported to CARM (the system for reporting that hardly anyone knows about – I posted it on Facebook last week just in case people needed it). YES YOU SAW THAT RIGHT. 26 deaths. In the midst of our p*ndem*c in 2020 we had 22 deaths that were cv related (which was actually 17). And so, from the Govt website themselves… the data is saying that more people in NZ have died from v*ccin*tions or unexpectedly just after their vaccination, than they ever did from cv.
Two deaths were reported on the TVNZ news website, on May 8 2021, although no direct link was confirmed. Huh? So last year you had 17 deaths with cv that you reported to WHO as 22. And now you have multiple v-related deaths but you can't confirm that they were. Are they paying monkeys to write their news updates? Or do they think we are thick? Not sure about you, but frankly it's an insult to my intelligence to think I'd believe that kind of reporting.
I have a very worrisome fear that our hospitals will be filling up soon. And not from D@lta. Overseas, many countries are actually struggling to cope with D@lta. But (from my research) it's not for the reasons you are led to believe.
I implore you to look at the report. If the number of deaths for our team of 5 million, is worth the cost of everyone else surviving, you might want to check the growing numbers of not only minor adverse events, but major ones too. Including Immune system disorders, heart attacks, Myocarditis, blood clots, stroke, Bells palsy, Herpes.
And, if it makes you angry, remember you have a voice. We all do. We are the people. Our Govt is meant to be working for us. After-all, we elected them. We might call our Govt to account and ask why they are not telling their people this information. Is it not their job to care? Is it not their job to work for the good of the people? Is that what you see here? Because it is NOT what I see.
Show me what you got
If you’ve done some of your own research and would like to show me, I’d love to check it out and compare notes. I am 100% open to hearing your point of view. Especially as you’ve taken the time to read mine. If you're still with me at this point, I applaud you. I haven't talked to many people lately, being stuck in iso and all, so I do tend to go on...
Oh, my decision...
And so I think by now you’ll know my decision. Hell, you knew it back when you started reading. Not that it’s anyone else’s business. But, since y’all have been telling my your story whether I wanted to hear it or not… I am pretty sure I get to as well.
It may not be popular, it may be uncomfortable, but, for now anyway, it’s not illegal for me to politely decline. I know that loss of rights is coming. It’s going get hard for the unv-ed to move about freely without a cv passport here - as is already happening all over the world. (But if you’re watching mainstream media you won’t have noticed, because it’s apparently not happening. It's just the conspiracy theorists who are making those ridiculous claims.)
Wake up
Actually, we can stop this right now. We can say enough. We are New Zealand. We are a team of 5 million! Why are we waiting for them to tell us what to do next, if it's not morally, ethically or legally the right thing? How did that become our life? Kia Kaha. Stand strong. THAT is who we are!
So, I’ll ask you to please stop trying to convince me otherwise, or shame me (or others) into doing it by saying that if I don’t get jabbed I’ll be risking the health of my team of 5 million. Give me a break. I work at home, I live in the countryside, I’m in full health and I don’t go out if I feel unwell. (My natural immunity must be ok because I can’t recall the last time even had a cold). I don’t go into crowded places anymore, it’s fair to say I’m low enough risk to y’all that if you still don’t agree, I’ll just stay away from you. Fine. By. Me.
No thanks
One other thing… the data coming out from pz v*ccin*s overseas is showing a lot of reports of blood clots soon after. I have a thing called Venous disease, diagnosed, ironically, on a zoom call with a Dr during our first lockdown in 2020. It means my legs swell up and ache. My whole life I have hated my legs and think they are ugly. I just thought they were fat. Now though, I love my legs. They give me a strong argument as to why I wouldn’t go adding to the pressure in my veins with the potential of having blood clots I could have avoided. I’m calling gratitude for my fat legs today, and forever more.
Square peg, surprisingly, uncomfortably, lonely round hole. But: My body, my choice.
For our tamariki
My final considerations were for my children. All of a sudden and with no warning (or scientific basis that I have found yet), the Govt announced that 12-15 year olds were eligible for their v-ine from this rampant deadly p*nd*mic, and they could go get it without parental consent. Perhaps they had an oversupply - like when you over cater a dinner party and the left-overs won’t keep? The clinical trial data said in the EU only those over 18 were to take it, so I'd err on the side of the higher age if anything thanks. Or not at all.
Back the truck up
So, you’re telling me now that my kids are at high enough risk of contracting cv 19 that it’s totally ok for the Government to decide that a kid who may not yet know how to cook a meal and make their bed, can make an informed decision about whether they should have a new v. One that is still in its trial phase (which, in case you still hadn’t realised, means that we ARE the experiment). If you are trialling a drug and you take the drug, you’re part of the experiment. Not hard to understand this.
Added to that, data coming out from overseas where more people have been vaccinated is that (for reasons you’re welcome to look up yourself, I’m tired now), teenage boys have a higher rate of adverse events after vaccination. I have two gorgeous teenage boys. Would I risk them for our team of 5 million, based on the numbers in front of me? No sir. Not in a million years. The risk/reward ratio sucks.
Why am I going on?
If you’re still here reading, I want you to know, I wrote all this because I care. I wrote it because we all need to WAKE UP. We have been played. I didn't write it to make you feel like shit. I didn’t write it to convince myself. I did that all in my own head.
I have nothing to gain, and everything to lose by putting this in the public arena.
I risk losing friends and family who will hate on me. But, it’s worth it. I’d rather have you alive and healthy and not having anything to do with me, than being adversely affected by this v, or worse.
Staying quiet would actually make me feel complicit. Which is incorrect. Because it’s your choice, your body. So I feel like I'm in a catch 22. I hope you understand my predicament.
I’m just really mad. Not at you. (Actually a bit mad at you tbh… I know you’re probably scared and frustrated… I was too. But it’s time to wake up… trust your gut instinct, it’s usually right, you know). I’m furious that we have been told it’s ‘safe and effective’.
I’ve been asked by a few of my nearest and dearest to prove the ‘pro’ side of the argument, to ensure my argument was balanced and ‘fair’. Multiple times I have been asked to bring both sides of the argument to the table or else I’m not showing neutrality to get to my decision (remembering all the while that it’s MY decision – do your own damned research).
But you know what? I care about this. Even though those friends could have easily done their own research… if they could be bothered. I so strongly fear for their outcomes and care so much that I actually tried. I went looking for proof that we had a robust Govt Medical Board full of top-notch doctors, the best in NZ one would hope. And that they would be overseeing this mass rollout and holding our Govt to account for the sweeping promises they are touting that it’s ‘safe and effective’.
And I’m sorry to say that… I couldn’t find anything. Their reasons for implying it’s ‘safe and effective’ must then come from their panic and fear that we’re all going to catch c-v and die if we don’t. So the risk, unknown as it is to date, of having this v, is still a damn site more of a positive outlook for our team of 5 million than if we were unvaccinated. Again, I realise I’m a lone voice and so I probably missing something, but, it simply doesn’t wash with me.
What I did find was Govt websites full of tally charts and graphs. Oh and dashboards with stats. Scary looking things I guess, when you're in a p@nde*ic. Maybe designed to raise anxiety levels. Scared people comply, afterall.
I’m as mad as hell. I’m concerned for us all. I feel like we’ve all been offered a free party drug that can only bring you good fortune and the spoils of your former life, such as global travel, and breathing air maskless, with no possible downside. Oh and we might be allowed once again to stop and chat with our neighbours in the street, instead of shuffling past, eyes down, mask on, and/or 2+ metres away. But only if we take the v.
If you’re off to get your va*@ine
All I suggest is, do your home work first. You're not a sheep getting nudged into the slaughterhouse. You have free will. Do your homework first. And don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks should happen to your body. They don't have to live in it.
As I have declined the offer of the v, I don’t know what paperwork one has to sign. I would assume though, all things being medical and knowing how much paperwork there is for a straightforward appt like going to the physio, that your information would at least include:
A list of all health conditions that, if you have, you must not receive the va*cc**e (as well as having a Dr or medical expert who can advise if it’s wise to take the v if you are on certain medications)
A list of all the risks, and known adverse events that may occur (even though it’s a trial, there is already a known list from emerging reports globally, so should be easy to compile a list)
Explain that you are part of a trial
Explain that your insurance won’t cover any illness arising, and neither will ACC
Give you a Govt number to call, or a website to report any adverse events. Since it’s a trial you’re offering to participate in, they’ll be needing to collect information on adverse reactions, unexplained illness, and, terribly, deaths for a few months afterward (6 months says the trial paperwork).
Oh, and when your tween or teen goes in, with or (freakishly) without you, this will all be explained in a way that they are sure to understand before they make their choice. You’re trusting a vaccinator (who my hunch is would not be a Dr, paediatrician nor child counsellor) to make the call that your child fully understands what they are signing up to?
I gave blood about two weeks ago, and I was given a card with a bunch of things to look out for and a number to call if I felt unwell afterwards. And my donation was all tracked on my blood donor app. So, given that there’s more possible risk with this va*@ine, the information you’re given should knock blood donation protocol out of the water.
If you have already had a cv v and I have freaked you out I’m sorry
Some of my loved ones have, and my intent is not to upset you, I just needed to say my piece. And I'm saying it in a harsher tone that I normally speak, I realise that.
There is natural protocol you can take to help your body cleanse itself of it. Let me know if you want it. Your body, your choice.
I’m sorry that you were not provided with this information in time. It was the Govts responsibility to be transparent. And, you could have looked for yourself. But I think we don't, because apart from the usual first-world grumbles, we don't tend to question the powers that be here, do we? Especially not when we are consistently given fear-inducing messages. We now hang on their every word, waiting for our next instruction. What the hell just happened?
I’ve had my head and heart in the evidence and learning about this situation for hours and hours since it started feeling urgent enough to give a shit. I have barely slept for two weeks. I have only now been able to compile some sense of order from what I see. This is my first attempt.
If you are experiencing weird illnesses, unexplained stuff, women not getting their period etc, it's worth reporting it. It might (or might not) be an adverse event.
Important links
In case you are interested in seeing the Clinical Trial document yourself... it's name is:
Start date: April 29, 2020
Estimated study completion date: May 2, 2023.
If you care for yourself and your children I implore you to go to the links and read the documents. It states who must be excluded from the trial, how the trial is to be run (including being under the observation of investigational site staff for 6 months and reporting any adverse reactions and events using an electronic diary).
My final words
If you think I’m crazy and don’t want to know me anymore, I’m sad about that. But I respect your decision and wish you all the very best. I have compiled this with a truckload of aroha, and a deep concern for all NZ, but most importantly to me – you… my friend who is reading this. From my heart, this is probably most significant document I will ever write.
By the way, there are thousands of people around NZ who know this stuff. They are the crazy, anti govt, conspiracy theorists you deride. They risk abuse, rejection, hate and down right ugly behaviour from the ones they love. (I know, because I was one of the eye-rollers… at my own mum in fact, until 2 weeks ago. How’s that for eating humble pie.) We aren't crazy. We just woke up a bit before you. It's not a race, I'd just love to see our team of 5 million cross the finish line together.
Oh and the crazies - they get censored on every social media and news outlet. Globally. It's hard to get the truth out. As I know this message will be. Hence the dumb c#nsor&hip throughout. Wake up. This is bigger than a va*#ine. WAKE UP PLEASE. (Oh, and it’s crazy uncomfortable, you may need to go apologise to a few people, like I did… but screw your pride, don’t let your pride hold you back).
And if you are feeling anger because I worked it out before you did, that's just your pride. We all have it. I know. Been there, done that, bought the ugly t-shirt. I challenge you to examine your own thoughts about what you are feeling. Instead of being pissed with me, try feeling relieved, or grateful, or even scared, that someone loved you enough to try and tell you. Lean into the discomfort, as they say. It is crazy uncomfortable. For about 5 minutes. And then, it starts to ease up. It did for me anyhow.
Your own thoughts create your feelings. Change your thought, you'll feel different. Promise.
Perhaps I'm crazy and making up a whole lot of lies. Yeah, that sounds like something I’d do, and then risk losing face with all my loved ones, just for shits and giggles. If you think that sounds like me, you don’t know me at all. So, unfriend away.
Final thought. Being in the v club. It sounds really cool. But please pause and check in with yourself. If you are taking an action out of fear… that’s not healthy. No one has the right to get you to do something by scaring you into it. Do something because you believe in it, every day of the week. But if fear is driving your decision, chances are it’s not going to be what’s best for you. Stand up for your rights. Your body, your choice. (Unless you’re under 16 – then it should really be your parents’ choice aye).
Kia kaha,
In all things - He Tangata, He Tangata, He Tangata. It is people, it is people, it is people.
Penny
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